Fantastic!
A SENIOR MOMENT - I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS... ...
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank
manager thought it amusing enough to have it published
in The Times.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque
with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have
elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the
arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour
it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my Pension, an arrangement which, I admit,
has been in place for only eight years. You are to be
commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by
way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your
bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this
incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial
ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your
telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact
you, I am confronted by the impersonal,overchar
pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has
become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments
will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act
for any other person to open such an envelope. Please
find attached an Application Contact Status which I
require your chosen employee to complete.I am sorry it
runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is
no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical
history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the
mandatory details of his/ her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN
number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,
again, I have modelled it on the number of button
presses required of me to access my account balance on
your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you
call me, press buttons as follows:
1-- To make an appointment to see me.
2-- To query a missing payment.
3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I
am there.
4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am
sleeping.
5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am
attending to nature.
6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am
not at home.
7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password
to access my computer
is required. A password will be communicated to
you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 8
9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the
contact will then be put
on hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service. While this may, on occasion,
involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play
for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must
also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up
of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman;
DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!!?)
Pooja Rajeev
Jaypee Institute of Engineering & Technology
Raghogarh, A.B. Road,
Guna - 473226
M.P.
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